Blessed

For those that know me, know that I never wanted children. Don't get me wrong, I loved other's people kids, but I loved giving them back. I had no desire to change diapers, deal with tantrums, or have to explain to others why my house looked like romper room. I prided myself on being fun-loving, care free, and hanging out with friends. I spent every moment fulfilling the proverb of eat, drink, and be marry. Kids didn't fit into that formula. My maternal clock was broken.

After years of proclaiming I didn't want a family one day I told my husband that we'd let fate decide for us.

Well fate found us. I got pregnant.

I hated being pregnant. I was indifferent about having a child. I believed that the maternal fairy had missed me and I was bound to be one of those mother's that wasn't hard wired to be a mother. I made no secret of this. I told everyone. My mom tried to ease my worries by telling me I'd be a great mother, but I didn't believe her.

I often wondered why I didn't have those happy pregnant feelings that I read about? Why wasn't I excited to meet my little cooking nugget? I was horrified with myself because I wasn't like all of those women I read about. . . I wasn't ecstatic about being a mom. I was so scared I wouldn't like my child that I spent many nights awake worrying about it.

My indifference melted the day my little nugget decided to enter this world. My love for Emma is something that I can't explain. I had worried endlessly for nothing. It was love at first site.

I feel I have been totally blessed because I really like my kid. For 9 months I worried about not being maternal and after she was born it just clicked. Everyday she wakes up with a smile on her face and an insatiable curiosity. She is an easy going, happy to be doing what ever, ready to take on the world kind of girl. . . . and I can totally relate (about the taking on the world part, not the rest, ha!) I am one of the lucky ones in that I get to spend my days with my child and I wouldn't give that up for anything. I am not religious, but I thank God for the gift of Emma.

Why am I blabbering you ask? I am writing this as a reminder for when she hits puberty and I question my decision to have a child. . . I am writing this as a testimony of my love for my child. There is absolutely nothing in this world like it.

So on that note. . my camera died so I purged the pictures from my camera phone. Enjoy!

Em using a dog bed as a nest!

My three greyhounds

Lady Gaga has nothing on Em
Grandma hats are all the fashion!

This one cracks me up. . .she was having an "art show". . .what's the art, and what's the show, who knows. . . hence the reminder of how much I love my kid. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have my hands full!